Recently, a brave group of students dared to challenge the changing environment on campus that has grown increasingly hostile to students who smoke.
As of January 2016, University Administration took a page right out of the book of infamous anti-smoker, Adolf Hitler, and instituted a fascist campus-wide ban on America's beloved pastime. The decrees of the Non-Fuming Fuhrer did not target just cigarettes, but all tobacco products, electronic cigarettes, huffable spray paint, crystal meth, cocaine, crack cocaine, uncracked cocaine, diet cocaine, ecstasy, molly, marijuana, mary jane, weed, pot, chief keef, PCP, angel dust, purple drank, and slim jims.

The courageous leader of the "Solidarity Smokers" released a manifesto detailing their plan: 

"Whether or not you are a smoker, you probably agree that President Stanley has gone too far in imposing a campus-wide ban, not only on cigarettes, but ALL tobacco products, even electronic cigarettes (effective January 2016). While I understand the reasons behind this new "smoke-free policy," I can't respect a President who feels the need to impose a lifestyle on everyone, especially those students living on campus who are habitual smokers and have literally nowhere on campus to enjoy their tobacco products of choice in peace. I respect the decision to not smoke, but not when it's a decision made for me. Frankly, it's un-American."

(see the full statement here: http://heyevent.com/event/qfzrnypywoeqoa/safe-space-formerly-solidarity-smoke-in)

The tyrannical rule of President Stanley and his thugs in USG will be resisted at all costs by these brave rebels, and we will continue to be the voice of reason at this institution. #Trump2016

A few hours before the start of the 2015 Roth Pond Regatta, several boats were attacked and hijacked by what could only be Somali Pirates. Arriving in unmarked ships made from the finest cardboard from the UPS Store, it became clear the pirates were backed by someone with very good connections. Taking up to 5 students hostage, the pirates demanded chicken strips from the Student Union equal to the weight of those held captive.
University Officials panicked as with campus food prices, not even Bill Gates had enough wealth to meet their demands.
The situation only grew worse as University Administration went directly to President Stanley for guidance, only to find his office was filled with crates of USG T-shirts and illegally downloaded copies of Nicolas Cage films.
Now under the alias of 'Captain Crackbeard', people were shocked to discover it was the former-president, now Pirate-King, was the one who was pulling the strings behind the wave of piracy.
Before leaving on his cardboard and duct-tape flagship, Captain Crackbeard was asked why he resorted to piracy. His only response was to a hostage saying, "Look at me. Look at me. I'm the Seawolf now."