I LIRRterally Can't Even
A terrible tragedy occurred at the LIRR this evening as delays caused countless girls to be late to the Selena Gomez concert. The preteen victims have officially declared the train staff to be "literally worse than Hitler" after the abhorrent delay.
In other news, a pedestrian was hit by a train at Syosset station earlier today.
Disappointment abounded at the campus train station today as hundreds of commuting students realized the train brought them to Stony Brook instead of Hogwarts.
Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?"