Terror grips Stony Brook as a truck behind the SAC was found to contain the blood and bodily fluids of countless students. The sickening level of organization in the vehicle has brought our panel of experts to conclude that this could only be the work of a deranged serial killer with a vampire fetish.
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Due to poor USG oversight, hundreds of students missed the Taking Back Sunday concert this friday, thinking it was on Sunday as the band's name suggested. Due to the darkness of the concert hall, the band was unaware that they were playing in a virtually empty theater.
Its election day and countless teens with with issues are celebrating across the country by sitting at their basement computer while wearing a Guy Fawkes mask from V for Vendetta.
In other news the number of filthy casuals are on the rise.
Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?"