University Officials panicked as with campus food prices, not even Bill Gates had enough wealth to meet their demands.
The situation only grew worse as University Administration went directly to President Stanley for guidance, only to find his office was filled with crates of USG T-shirts and illegally downloaded copies of Nicolas Cage films.
Now under the alias of 'Captain Crackbeard', people were shocked to discover it was the former-president, now Pirate-King, was the one who was pulling the strings behind the wave of piracy.
Before leaving on his cardboard and duct-tape flagship, Captain Crackbeard was asked why he resorted to piracy. His only response was to a hostage saying, "Look at me. Look at me. I'm the Seawolf now."