After months of randomly digging across campus, survey teams have finally found the sweet and friendly nectar of the earth: oil. Stony Brook has partnered with America's favorite company, BP to aid in the fun and environmentally friendly practice of drilling for fossil fuel to put our University on the map of the 21st century. When informed that the campus may be sitting on the mother lode, President Stanley immediately approved permits to begin frackng in Tabler Quad, while stating, " I drink your milkshake, I drink it up." Referencing his well known love for dairy products.
Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?"