• Home
  • News
  • About
  • Contact
The stony brook enquirer!
kneel before zod

You Teach Me, And I'll Teach You...

7/29/2013

Comments

 
Meeting with much praise, the chairman of the Department of Molecular Genetics and Microbiology has announced a massive increase in funding for crucial genetic engineering projects. A spokesperson reported that "Soon we will be able to create the ultimate pokemon and advance the goals of Team Rocket."
Comments

U WOT M8?

7/22/2013

Comments

 
With the birth of the royal baby imminent, President Stanley was quick to show his support. Upon hearing the news, he quickly put down his tea, crumpets, and Strumpets, to raise the Union Jack above Stony Brook. While some say he simply had his pigeons squeezed, others asserted that he was always as queer as a nine bob note.
Comments

Some Like it Hot

7/16/2013

Comments

 
Picture
With forecasts stating a prolonged period of temperatures in the 90s, students are demanding that USG stop offering music majors as sacrifices to the Sun God, claiming they have more than enough sunshine.
When asked for a comment the VP of communications only stated "KALI MA SHAKTI DE!" (seen here)
Comments

DEVELOPING STORY: FOILed Again

7/8/2013

Comments

 
Concerned students have lined up at the Quad office demanding to see their dorm records only to be told that the office doesn't retain records for over 2 months only citing that, "Satan demands tribute".
Comments

SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE

7/6/2013

Comments

 
Despite ongoing rumors, President Stanley denied that Stony Brook had a "chamber of secrets" in the girls' bathroom of the Frank Melville Jr. Memorial Library. President Stanley then proceeded to end the interview abruptly claiming he had Indian food for lunch and was in need of a good book.
Comments

NSAyyy Lmao

7/1/2013

Comments

 
Picture
As undercover Enquirer reporter Edwin Snowman leaks documents showing that USG has been spying on Stony Brook students! However, the USG spy program has proved to be a waste of money as the warrantless phone and email searches has only revealed that students "got totally drunk last night" in most of the messages.
Comments

    Author

    Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?" 
    "My name is The Stony Brook Enquirer," he replied, "for we are many."

    Categories

    All
    Administration
    Asians
    Campus Dining
    Campus Life
    Clubs/Organizations
    Concerts
    Conspiracy
    Construction
    Environment
    Events
    Halloween
    Health
    Heresy
    Holidays
    Money
    Music
    News
    Politics
    President Stanley
    Religion
    Safety/Security
    Science
    Sports
    Transportation
    USG
    Weather
    Wolfie
    World News

    Archives

    March 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.