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The stony brook enquirer!
kneel before zod

HALLOWEEN WEATHER UPDATE

10/31/2012

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Stony Brook cancels classes again, adopting new "screw this!" plan. Students still recovering from tragic internet outage.
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WEEKEND UPDATE: Bro, Does Your SAC Even Lift?

10/21/2012

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New campus rec center too good. Makes SAC gym feel inadequate as it shuts down in shame.
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BREAKING NEWS: Plague Spreads Throughout Campus

10/8/2012

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Unexplained disease hits people after weekend of massive drinking. Hangover-like symptoms and not going to class rampant among members of college fraternities and sororities. CDC remains baffled.
In other news, beer companies report record profits.
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WEEKEND UPDATE

10/6/2012

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Brookhaven Labs goes bankrupt in attempt to recreate flubber from Robin Williams' movie. Turns to crystal meth production to cover losses.
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BREAKING NEWS

10/5/2012

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Picture
Construction workers uncover ancient indian burial site. President Stanley uses its cursed magic to summon army of unpaid interns.
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TODAY'S HIGHLIGHT

10/4/2012

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The campus Catholic Ministry has announced the creation of a vampire hunting club in order to combat the growing blood-sucking menace on campus. While currently seeking USG funding, this has not gone without criticism from students and faculty. Concerns arose about the lack of a werewolf-fighting task force. Pastor O'Mally has stated that the idea of a werewolf threat is just absurd as all the werewolves of Stony Brook are locked up in silver cages beneath Javits lecture hall.
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BREAKING NEWS: Genetically modified yeti terrorizes Stony Brook residents with door-to-to vacuum sales.

10/3/2012

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Stay tuned for updates if I feel like it!
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    Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?" 
    "My name is The Stony Brook Enquirer," he replied, "for we are many."

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