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The stony brook enquirer!
kneel before zod

ANARCHY HITS STONY BROOK

10/8/2014

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With the extremely limited space for this month's ICONA POP concert,USG at Stony Brook University turns into Willy Fucking Wonka and will hand out half the tickets* at this Saturday's football game, with the other half being obtainable only by some unknown internet shenanigans on the USG website, which totally does not host amish-themed porn.


EDIT: due to poor communication by both parties, it seemed highly suggestive that tickets would be free and handed out. It is now clear that this is no longer the case and that tickets can only be reserved and cost $5.00.
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PRAISE USG!

4/23/2014

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The Stony Brook Enquirer would like to tell the public that while you lowly peasants are stuck in the cheap seats for tonight's concert, the totally legitimate reporters will be enjoying the concert in the VIP section with hookers and blackjack, courtesy of USG.
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M'Government

4/23/2014

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Its the day of the concert and students still don't know who the performers are.
USG plans to hand out free fedoras to all who attend.
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Salvation Requires A Student I.D.

4/18/2014

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It was a scene of religious pilgrimage today as hundreds of students made a nightlong journey in the cold darkness all the way to the shrine known as the Union Ticket booth. The cold masses chanted the names of their gods: Chyld-ish and Dippe-Loh, who anthropology professors have concluded must be the ancient gods of youth and duality respectively. All this was done for a chance to receive a small sheet of paper with ancient runes on it, in hopes that the magic charm would grant them entry into paradise one day.
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Tell All Your Friends!

11/9/2013

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Due to poor USG oversight, hundreds of students missed the Taking Back Sunday concert this friday, thinking it was on Sunday as the band's name suggested. Due to the darkness of the concert hall, the band was unaware that they were playing in a virtually empty theater.
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FALL CONCERT EXCLUSIVE INSIDE SCOOP

8/10/2013

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We can report that the concert lineup will be Vanilla Ice. Due to budgeting issues, the show will only consist of Vanilla Ice performing "Ice Ice Baby" for 3 hours straight.
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    Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?" 
    "My name is The Stony Brook Enquirer," he replied, "for we are many."

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