As concerned chemistry students question why each class experiment involves the production of some form of "white powder", professors assured the Enquirer that there is nothing to worry about, and that the students' products were only sent to Charlie Sheen for "grading".
Supreme Court of the United States struck down the Defense of Marriage Act today after declaring the law was "Totally gay".
"My God... its cheese! And its mine! ALL MINE!"
-Neil Armstrong's first words on the moon.
In what officials are calling a simple mistake in spelling, more concerned voices are implying that there may be a fraudulent imposter running a secret agenda in USG as seen in the scientific comparison of the two apparent Vice Presidents of Communications. Students panic as they quickly lose trust in their "elected" leaders.
In response to proposed budget cuts, USG has met sharp criticism with opponents citing that its "Mo' money, mo' problems" approach is a blatant reversal of its previous "fuck bitches, get money" platform from 2012.
When asked to comment on the issue, Wolfie simply responded "Don't hate the playa, hate the game."
In science news, the physics department announces the creation of the first fully-functional time machine. Dr. Pavel explained that a subject that entered the machine for 3 hours has emerged 3 hours into the future, marking the first time a subject has successfully traveled to the future after the acceptable loss of only 3 asian volunteers in previous attempts. In the spirit of scientific advancement, blueprints were made publicly available without the filing of any patents. (seen below)
Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?"