In celebration of our planet and environment, Stony Brook Environmental Health and Safety is proud to announce that the amount of radiation leaking from the university power plant is at its lowest levels in 5 years.
Stony Brook Environmental Health and Safety would like to inform students remaining on campus for spring break that the green water coming out of the drinking fountains is NOT in celebration of St. Patrick's Day, and that the issues are being dealt with and should be resolved as soon as possible.
After months of randomly digging across campus, survey teams have finally found the sweet and friendly nectar of the earth: oil. Stony Brook has partnered with America's favorite company, BP to aid in the fun and environmentally friendly practice of drilling for fossil fuel to put our University on the map of the 21st century. When informed that the campus may be sitting on the mother lode, President Stanley immediately approved permits to begin frackng in Tabler Quad, while stating, " I drink your milkshake, I drink it up." Referencing his well known love for dairy products.
Autumn is here and millions of americans are reporting the leaves changing color and falling. The EPA made a statement telling citizens not to be alarmed as "Everything is going according to plan for it is a good sign we are winning the war on nature."
Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?"