It was scenes of utter chaos at the dining halls today as students were met with an increase in food prices from what was already an absurdly high set of prices. Chicken strips from the Union Dining Hall went up from $95.00 a piece to an absurd $500.00 and a severed limb, the latter of which many students believe will be the new source of food and currency in the upcoming snow storm.
Economics professors on campus only provided more bad news as they expected the price of food only to rise even more, and that a burger from the SAC dining hall may cost as much as a firstborn child and 3 handjobs by next Tuesday.
To fully clarify the horrifying reality of the situation, a noticeably more obese President Stanley and Wolfie made this announcement: "Students should do their best to prepare for the inclement weather. Wear warm clothing and amass as much blubber as you can, as those who cannot find shelter to hibernate during this storm will be unworthy to inherit the new Earth after the great thaw."
Economics professors on campus only provided more bad news as they expected the price of food only to rise even more, and that a burger from the SAC dining hall may cost as much as a firstborn child and 3 handjobs by next Tuesday.
To fully clarify the horrifying reality of the situation, a noticeably more obese President Stanley and Wolfie made this announcement: "Students should do their best to prepare for the inclement weather. Wear warm clothing and amass as much blubber as you can, as those who cannot find shelter to hibernate during this storm will be unworthy to inherit the new Earth after the great thaw."
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