A Newspaper Deal You Can't Refuse
Tensions rise between USG and The Stony Brook Press as the newspaper's budget is frozen. Senators have been reported to have been waking up next to severed horse heads, confirming our suspicions that bestiality and necrophilia runs rampant throughout USG
The campus Catholic Ministry has announced the creation of a vampire hunting club in order to combat the growing blood-sucking menace on campus. While currently seeking USG funding, this has not gone without criticism from students and faculty. Concerns arose about the lack of a werewolf-fighting task force. Pastor O'Mally has stated that the idea of a werewolf threat is just absurd as all the werewolves of Stony Brook are locked up in silver cages beneath Javits lecture hall.
Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?"