With a significant percentage of Asian students on campus, university administration was quick to address issues surrounding the difficulty of travel back home during the breaks between semesters. To ease the burden of commuting and travel, President Stanley graciously allocated some of the inexhaustible supply of construction crewmen to dig a tunnel straight to China, in a heroic effort that was described as "totally not a waste of money."
Stony Brook Puts Students First
Shut Your Hole Wang Chung!
The Wang Center is proud to announce it has picked Alison Gold's "Chinese Food" as its official theme song for the Jasmine food court.
Like White On (Not) Rice
Emperor Stanley has banned rice cookers on campus. Protecting the public safety or fighting he yellow menace?
The Future Is Now
In science news, the physics department announces the creation of the first fully-functional time machine. Dr. Pavel explained that a subject that entered the machine for 3 hours has emerged 3 hours into the future, marking the first time a subject has successfully traveled to the future after the acceptable loss of only 3 asian volunteers in previous attempts. In the spirit of scientific advancement, blueprints were made publicly available without the filing of any patents. (seen below)
Does President Stanley hate Asians so much that he's planning an Opium war?
Then the Lord asked him, "What is your name?"