Does President Stanley hate Asians so much that he's planning an Opium war?
Earth Day canceled by Pres. Stanley claiming discrimination against other planets.Pluto files lawsuit claiming victim to a NASA hate-crime.
University pool remains closed for "construction".
In other news, President Stanley seen in speedo with $30,000 worth of jello mix. Starbucks opens 3rd campus location, and Pres. Stanley announces sale of entire school for several tons of coffee.
President Stanley denies allegations of pouring millions of student and taxpayer dollars into secret 2012 personal bunker.
In other news, construction on the Stony Brook Hilton hotel completed it's 5-mile deep "wine cellar". Construction workers uncover ancient indian burial site. President Stanley uses its cursed magic to summon army of unpaid interns.
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