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Homecoming! WHATS A SEAWOLF?

9/26/2014

Show your school spirit and cheer* for the Seawolves this Saturday at the homecoming game!

*Those who fail to show the appropriate amount of school spirit will be arrested by the University Fun Police and be personally paddled by Wolfie until they can feel the magic of Stony Brook.
School spirit is MANDATORY

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A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys

9/8/2014

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We at the Stony Brook Enquirer are here to ask you a question: Is a student not entitled to a fairly priced piece of fruit?
"No!" says the man in at the dining hall, "That banana costs $1.03."
"No!" says the man in the FSA office, "The meal plans save money."
"No!" says President Stanley, "How the fuck did you get in my house?!."
I rejected those answers; instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose... to buy groceries at Pathmark. A store where the student would not fear the pasta; where the wallet would not be bound by impending emptiness; where the stomach would not be constrained by the budget! And with the free weekend bus, Pathmark can become your store as well.

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The Heat Never Bothered Me Anyway

9/2/2014

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Becoming sick and tired of students on campus singing songs from Disney's "Frozen", President Stanley creates ongoing heat wave and cancels fall and winter semesters, replacing them with Summer Sessions III and IV.
In response to critics of such action, President Stanley stated "Opponents of this administrative action should just let it go."

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Homecoming! WHATS A SEAWOLF?

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys

The Heat Never Bothered Me Anyway

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