In a seizure-inducing flood of information our team of investigative journalists here at the Stony Brook Enquirer have uncovered a dark paper trail involving the current and previous USG administration, going up all the way to President Stanley and Wolfie himself.
After years of being promised amazing events and services, the sinister truth behind the rising student activity fees has been revealed. Going as far back to former President/Fuhrer Lachhar, he and his crooked Minister of Propaganda Mario Ferone have been misleading the student body into giving more money, only to be stashed into an secret offshore account in Panama.
The first red flags were revealed in 2014 when during the notorious USG twitter incident where it seemed as though the USG twitter account was taken over by a hacker under the alias of "4Chan". It was only until the Panama Paper leak that we learned the truth: 
The USG twitter account was actually sold to the highest bidder, offering various USG executives outrageous bribes ranging from chicken strips from the Union dining hall, to sexual favors from Wolfie. Recently leaked information has revealed that the millions of funds taken from students have been wasted on things ranging from gold-plated golf carts, blackjack table, hookers, and illegal dank meme research at the expense of unaware students.
After attempting to reach the former Fuhrer and VP of communications for comment, it was revealed that they were nowhere to be found, with the current USG administration claiming they have "Graduated", while other sources claim the disgraced officials have fled to a country without an extradition treaty with the United States.

With New York major party primary elections taking place this Tuesday, April 19, The Stony Brook Enquirer is proud to give our support to the only candidate that matters: Donald Trump. Showing charismatic leadership, billionaire Donald Trump has won the hearts and minds of students and faculty alike, promising to bring security and good food back to campus. Trump's statements on international students struck a chord with people across the political spectrum, winning conservatives over, while shunning away liberals:

"When China sends its students, they're not sending Stony Brook their best. They're bringing rice, their pre-meds and math majors. And some, I assume are liberal arts majors, but I speak for admissions officers and they tell us what we're getting."

Inspired by God-Emperor Trump's great speech, University President Stanley was inspired and currently has plans for a wall to divide Roosevelt Quad from the rest of the campus, to increase security and reduce the amount of drugs and crime entering campus grounds. Critics of President Stanley's Trump-endorsed wall cite that such construction would be "racist" and that the enormous cost and impracticality of a wall would not benefit the students. President Stanley replied that the wall would make Stony Brook great again and would not come at a cost to students as "Roosevelt Quad will pay for the wall."