In a seizure-inducing flood of information our team of investigative journalists here at the Stony Brook Enquirer have uncovered a dark paper trail involving the current and previous USG administration, going up all the way to President Stanley and Wolfie himself.
After years of being promised amazing events and services, the sinister truth behind the rising student activity fees has been revealed. Going as far back to former President/Fuhrer Lachhar, he and his crooked Minister of Propaganda Mario Ferone have been misleading the student body into giving more money, only to be stashed into an secret offshore account in Panama.
The first red flags were revealed in 2014 when during the notorious USG twitter incident where it seemed as though the USG twitter account was taken over by a hacker under the alias of "4Chan". It was only until the Panama Paper leak that we learned the truth:
The USG twitter account was actually sold to the highest bidder, offering various USG executives outrageous bribes ranging from chicken strips from the Union dining hall, to sexual favors from Wolfie. Recently leaked information has revealed that the millions of funds taken from students have been wasted on things ranging from gold-plated golf carts, blackjack table, hookers, and illegal dank meme research at the expense of unaware students.
After attempting to reach the former Fuhrer and VP of communications for comment, it was revealed that they were nowhere to be found, with the current USG administration claiming they have "Graduated", while other sources claim the disgraced officials have fled to a country without an extradition treaty with the United States.
After years of being promised amazing events and services, the sinister truth behind the rising student activity fees has been revealed. Going as far back to former President/Fuhrer Lachhar, he and his crooked Minister of Propaganda Mario Ferone have been misleading the student body into giving more money, only to be stashed into an secret offshore account in Panama.
The first red flags were revealed in 2014 when during the notorious USG twitter incident where it seemed as though the USG twitter account was taken over by a hacker under the alias of "4Chan". It was only until the Panama Paper leak that we learned the truth:
The USG twitter account was actually sold to the highest bidder, offering various USG executives outrageous bribes ranging from chicken strips from the Union dining hall, to sexual favors from Wolfie. Recently leaked information has revealed that the millions of funds taken from students have been wasted on things ranging from gold-plated golf carts, blackjack table, hookers, and illegal dank meme research at the expense of unaware students.
After attempting to reach the former Fuhrer and VP of communications for comment, it was revealed that they were nowhere to be found, with the current USG administration claiming they have "Graduated", while other sources claim the disgraced officials have fled to a country without an extradition treaty with the United States.
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