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ELECTION 2016: Make Stony Brook Great Again

4/17/2016

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With New York major party primary elections taking place this Tuesday, April 19, The Stony Brook Enquirer is proud to give our support to the only candidate that matters: Donald Trump. Showing charismatic leadership, billionaire Donald Trump has won the hearts and minds of students and faculty alike, promising to bring security and good food back to campus. Trump's statements on international students struck a chord with people across the political spectrum, winning conservatives over, while shunning away liberals:

"When China sends its students, they're not sending Stony Brook their best. They're bringing rice, their pre-meds and math majors. And some, I assume are liberal arts majors, but I speak for admissions officers and they tell us what we're getting."

Inspired by God-Emperor Trump's great speech, University President Stanley was inspired and currently has plans for a wall to divide Roosevelt Quad from the rest of the campus, to increase security and reduce the amount of drugs and crime entering campus grounds. Critics of President Stanley's Trump-endorsed wall cite that such construction would be "racist" and that the enormous cost and impracticality of a wall would not benefit the students. President Stanley replied that the wall would make Stony Brook great again and would not come at a cost to students as "Roosevelt Quad will pay for the wall."
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