Salvation Requires A Student I.D.

It was a scene of religious pilgrimage today as hundreds of students made a nightlong journey in the cold darkness all the way to the shrine known as the Union Ticket booth. The cold masses chanted the names of their gods: Chyld-ish and Dippe-Loh, who anthropology professors have concluded must be the ancient gods of youth and duality respectively. All this was done for a chance to receive a small sheet of paper with ancient runes on it, in hopes that the magic charm would grant them entry into paradise one day.