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The stony brook enquirer!
kneel before zod

Finals: Calm Down! Now Is Not The Time For Fear

5/14/2015

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Final exams are upon us but don't panic! We all get jitters and become nervous when it comes to big tests, but its only natural. After listening to the experiences of other students, stress is now a thing of the past! All you have to do is-

OH WHO THE FUCK ARE WE KIDDING? PANIC. AKJLFHG;LSDFJSLKF EVERYONE PANIC. WE'RE ALL GOING TO FAIL AND DIE. WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED TO KNOW WHAT LITHIUM DOES IN ORGANIC CHEMISTRY? LITHIUM IS A FUCKING METAL. ITS NOT FUCKING ORGANIC. I'M GOING TO GET A 'D-' AT BEST EVEN WITH THIS STUPID CURVE AND END UP WORKING AT A CHUCK E. CHEESE'S CATERING TO SOME BRATTY LITTLE SHITS AND THEIR STUPID PARENTS WHO FOR SOME REASON CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A CHILDREN'S PARTY CENTER, THERE ARE NO GIANT CAKES WITH STRIPPERS IN THEM.
OH AND SPEAKING OF CHEAP SKANKY WHORES, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SOON-TO-BE EX-BOYFRIEND TO CONSOLE ME AND HELP ME STUDY? OH I KNOW, HE'S PROBABLY WITH THAT OTHER CHEAP SKANKY WHORE STACY THAT HE MET AT LAST WEEKS PARTY FOR ONLY 3 FUCKING MINUTES BEFORE SHE RAN OFF DRUNK TO SLEEP WITH EVERY FUCKING FRAT BOY THERE. ALKSFGLKDF WHAT DID I SEE IN HIM? I MAY NOT PASS THIS EXAM, BUT I WILL PASS HIS HOUSE AND PASS THE MOST VIOLENT SHIT IN THE WORLD ON HIS EVEN SHITTIER CAR. AJKLFGL;SDFJBSLK FUCK THIS CLASS.
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